Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
