did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
