Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
