I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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