I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
