How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
