i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
