He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize