I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
