I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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