I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
