whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My pussy is not your playground.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize