Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
