Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
