I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
