i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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