this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
