Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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