somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
