alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
