chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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