I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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