Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
