A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
