i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
