Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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