I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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