my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
