is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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