if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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