I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
