I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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