Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
