The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
