goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
