When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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