Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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