You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
