ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
