How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
