I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
