remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
