Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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