did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
