I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
