oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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