I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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