they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
