I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
