I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
