Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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