Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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