the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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