You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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