i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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