one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
