my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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