if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
