I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
