Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Green mimosas i think yes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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