How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
