i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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