I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
