youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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