I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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