he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
