I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
