Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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