I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
