Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
that is very illegal...i love you.
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