Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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