I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
