yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
