For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
