mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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