we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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