I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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