You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
