Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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