Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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