This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
