I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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