And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
