I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
