At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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