im drinking this country out of the recession.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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