she was so not down for the gang bang
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
