i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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