Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
