We're facebook friends in real life
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
