mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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