The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
