stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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