Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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