You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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