never play flip cup with pint glasses
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
