im drinking this country out of the recession.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
