I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
