About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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