I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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