She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
