P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
