she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
