When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
