I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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