put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
