she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
