Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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